I'll Keep you my Dirty Little Secret
by ericaECSTACY
Summary: Bella has been hiding something from everyone for the past year, she starts pushing everyone away in order to keep her secret safe when it starts to get out of hand. Things just keep going down hill for little Isabella. WARNING; MIA/ANA
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue **

It's my dirty little secret. It's the one thing in my life that only I know about. I am the only one that can make it happen, and I am the only one who can make it stop. My ritual is almost automatic, as I close the bathroom door and turn on the sink. It sickens me as I look into the toilet bowl and realize that my face has been in this position every day for a year. That I have stuck my head inside this porcelain bowl as my face and hair gets splashed with vomit and toilet water. I get up to rinse my face off, but know that the work isn't done. I look at myself in the mirror with hatred the only thing staring back at me. I go down for another round. I jump up, gasping for breath, staring at the contents of my stomach. I wash up and look at myself. "I hate you."

That's what bulimia has done to me. It has given me a reason to always hate myself. It is my revenge on the world, but the hostage is me. I get into a fight with my dad, well what's he going to do, I'm going to make myself throw up. Edward thinks' I'm going crazy. Well, won't he be sorry, look at what I can do, I can throw up.

**What the hell does that mean? **

I throw up to cleanse, to purify, to try and make things go away. I'm smart. I know exactly what I'm doing. I know exactly how to stop. And I know that there is enough wrong with me right now, because I don't want to. I'm not ready to stop. I have begun to wonder what it would be like if I had messed up somewhere in between. Would I have to tell the doctors I was bulimic? I assume I would, so then the cat would be out of the bag. I think of my parents' expressions as they would look down on me in my bed, "I can't believe we didn't know." I have become a magician. I hide things in places where no one will ever find them. I have pain stored in places I didn't even know existed. So I guess I am working on my disappearing act. I'm hoping that the grand finale will be a resurrection of the girl I used to be.

Just to make it clear to everyone, I'm not sick, and I don't need anyones help.

I'm Isabella Swan, I'm in love with something that should be mortally dangerous for me. my best friend is a werewolf, doesn't that just scream danger. If I can handle that, I can handle anything, I promise. I will become perfect, I will become beautiful, _'just like a vampire'_.

Authors Note and Disclaimer;

_Everyone, this is just a teaser to what the story is going to be about, almost as you would say, a prologue? Please read and review. I'd like to know everyones input on this._

_I also own no rights to Twilight, or any of the other book collection. I am sadly not Stephanie Meyer. :/_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

_Did you ever think that it would be you? I never thought it would happen to me, ever. _

You know, you think that it's just something, something that will pass, something that will go away, a piece of yourself that isn't really there, like some ghost that lingers. I feel this lingering whisper in my body and it becomes a roar.

I am a very strong woman...... this thing, this hunger; well it just won't go away. I hate the way I look to such an extent. Wouldn't you know it, my man, the love of my life, he's a model type. So beautiful...I mean like I've never seen someone so perfect, yet he still loves my ugly horrible body. Why? Don't ask me, I don't have the legs of a model, or the stomach of someone who works out, just flab and fat.

I'm a bit different than the rest of your regular bulimics, I don't binge, I don't stick my fingers down my throat, it comes out almost on its own. Sometime's after I'm done with a meal, I have to run straight to the bathroom, because I just can't keep any food down.

I love how my body works with my needs, it knows exactly when I need everything out of my body, and I don't need to force it, or tell it.

* * *

I was laying on my bed looking through my photo album, I came across the picture of me and Edward from a year ago. I looked at it with disgust. My face looked like a round ball, and my smile just made it worse. My legs, well they took over the whole entire picture, I'm telling you. Then the rest of my body, disgraceful. I then looked to the left of the picture, at Edward. His perfect features, his beautiful arms draped around my manly shoulders. How can someone, so beautiful, so unreal, love me!? I didn't have long to ponder this, for Edward's Volvo pulled up front. I seen him jump out of his car, and walk up the path to my front door from outside my window. I got off my bed, and walked downstairs to greet him. Once I got to the last step, there was a knock, I smiled and opened the door. There stood the most gorgeous boy in the world, with a bright smile on his face.

"Bella!" Edward yelled, while going in to hug me. He had been away with his family in California for the past week, yet he called every night to tell me he missed me, and loves me. I hadn't realized today was the day he was supposed to be home, it took me by surprise, a good surprise.

"Edward, I missed you so much! How was your trip? Where's Alice, is she back yet?" I said, asking 50 questions at a time.

He laughed, "Bella love, calm down. I missed you way more than you even know. I am the only one back from California at the time, the others loved it so much, they decided to stay another week. I couldn't go another DAY without seeing you though Bella, so I flew home, just for you"

I was amazed to say the least, I figured Edward would of loved California so much, because of all the girls running around in bikinis with their perfect body's, yet all he could think about was plain old chubby me? He left early from his vacation just to come home to me? This made me feel sick, he was too perfect, and I was not good enough for him.

"Are you okay love?" He asked with concern, for my face was portraying my inner battle in my head.

"Oh, yes I'm fine, I was just thinking about how I would of gone another week without you here, it wasn't good" I said covering up what I was thinking, so he would drop it.

He laughed. "I love you so much Isabella Swan, you never cease to amaze me." It ended with a kiss on the forehead. I brought him out of the entreway and sat him on the couch while we watched a movie.

* * *

By the time the movie was over it was ten, and Charlie was still out working on a case, and I had started to pass out on Edwards shoulder. The next thing I knew I was being carried up the steps, and being sat in my bed, and tucked in, whoever it was left a kiss on my forehead. I opened my eyes, Edward had brought me up to my room. He started to turn around to leave but I said, "No please stay tonight Edward?"

He smiled, "If that's what you want love." And climbed into the bed next to me, climbed under the covers, and wrapped his arms around my chubby waist.

"Goodnight love." He whispered into the dark.

**Authors Note;**

_Here is your first chapter everyone :]_

_Please tell me what you think of it, I'm not too sure about it myself yet._

**Disclaimer;**

_I do not own anything that ties to Twilight._


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